A Huge AHA, Self-Sabotage & A Strategy for Success

May 1

Hey, hey, hey! A couple of weeks ago I had a HUGE aha moment that I just have to share. It led to me realizing how wealthy I am within my core values, but how I might be subconsciously self-sabotaging my level of financial success. This was a SUPER eye-opening moment for me and I’m sharing all of my discoveries today on the blog and podcast, including……

- My HUGE aha moment

- The 3 people who helped turn on the light bulb

- How my core values are related to my wealth

- How I might be subconsciously self-sabotaging my financial success

- A strategy I’m trying to get me to the next level

You can read the full transcript below OR listen to the podcast on Apple or Spotify.

LISTEN TO THE PODCAST

PODCAST EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Well, hello, there all you amazing people out there. Today, I want to share with you a giant aha moment I had a couple of weeks ago. To be fair, I did not come up with the aha moment on my own. It was it was facilitated by a conversation I had with someone else. So let me just share that with you because I think it's important to sort of give you the background to get you to the AHA.

I have been working with Juliana Leamen, who is a Functional Diagnostic Nutrition Practitioner. And if you follow me on my Orangetree Interiors blog, you might already know about who she is. And what she does is she's amazing. But basically, she's been helping me with my health, and what Juliana does different than a lot of other people, or programs that I've taken is that she really looks at your inner priorities and your core values, and strategizes a health program for you based on your DNA. So you actually take a DNA test, and then she shows you what does your body respond well to what doesn't it respond well to. And then she, she puts together a health program for you based on your own personal DNA that aligns with your inner priorities and core values. It's pretty amazing. She's amazing. Oh my gosh.

Anyway, as part of the program, she also does a bi weekly call where she talks about various topics, whatever she feels is going to benefit the group. And this particular call, we were talking about confidence. And I was really excited about that topic. Because confidence is something that I feel I've struggled with my whole life and I and continue to struggle with, even though I keep becoming more and more confident as I, you know, learn and grow as a person. And as a professional and doing all the things, it's so something that I feel like I could I could go for a quantum leap in the confidence department is, quite frankly, that's what I would like.

Anyway, Juliana doesn't believe that people lack confidence, she believes that people are inherently confident within their core values and inner priorities. So she says, when you are operating outside of those outside of your inner priorities and core values, that's when you don't feel confident. So she gave us an example. And she used me within the example. So she was like so Val, you are very confident when it comes to interior design. Because you've been doing it a long time you love it. You have a whole bunch of knowledge and you're very confident. Whereas if I if she had asked me to stand up and talk about you know, taxes or accounting, two things I absolutely cannot stand. If she had asked me to stand up and talk about those things, then I would feel very unconfident because they're not aligned with my core values or inner priorities.

So I was like, Okay, interesting. Interesting. I'm listening, I'm paying attention. So then I said to her, actually, I could stand to be more confident in that arena. Because I actually, my business isn't focused on design per se, like I don't do new builds or renovations, I mostly do decorating. So when we're talking about design, there's definitely less confidence there than if we were talking about decorating because that's my wheelhouse. And she was like, well, that's okay. So anywhere you feel like you're lacking confidence, all you have to do is learn more. Once you learn more, understand more, practice more do more than you become more confident. So it's an easy fix, right? So I'm like, okay, okay, I got you, I got you. I'm sure you're like, okay, what's the big deal Val? But, um, let me just keep going. So, I said, Okay, so like, what if like…..let me back up for one second, the previous chat that we had had as a group, we were talking about money. I can't remember exactly what the capacity was we were talking about, but we were talking about money. So I kind of looped that in. So I was like, Okay, well, this isn't interesting because we're, we're talking about confidence we're trying to keep within our inner values and priorities and now money. So I said to her, Okay, well, I'm a little bit confused, because I feel like in terms of my business…… And before I say that I should share, okay, so what are my core values and in our priorities, family and friends, getting to spend time with them, having freedom, and having fun. So basically, that was the reason I started my business in the first place was so that I could have more time with family and friends/ freedom. And then obviously, I started a business that I would enjoy, because I like to have fun.

So anyways, so I was like, yeah, I'm a little bit confused. Because, like, in my business, I feel like, I've been very successful in terms of how many people I've served. I've served over 350 families, I have a lot of great reviews, I have great relationships with my clients. In fact, some of them have become friends. But on the financial front, I haven't necessarily hit the big goals that I want for myself, you know?

And she's like, Oh, well, that's easy. It's because money is not one of your core values. And I was like, boom, I'm like, Okay, let's explore that. So I'm like, okay, what do you mean? And she's like, well, you have shared with me numerous times that your core values are getting to spend time with family and friends, having fun, having freedom, and you are compensated within your inner values.

This is the AHA, you guys, oh, my gosh, I have goosebumps.

So she says, You just said to me that your business has been very successful in terms of how many people you have served, and the fact that many of them have become friends. That's one of your inner values. You built a virtual interior decorating business that's online, and allows you to work from anywhere in the world - freedom. So you're being compensated there. And you always tell me how you love everything you do, except for taxes and accounting. So you are getting to have fun every day in your job. So you are being compensated within your inner values. If your inner value was money, then you would be compensated through money, but it's not one of your inner values. So that's why you're not being compensated that way.

And I was like, Oh my gosh!!!! That just made so much sense to me.

I still have goosebumps. I'm just like, sitting here, like goosebumps head to toe. And I don't know, maybe that's very clear to a lot of you out there. But I just, all of this time, I'm like, why am I working so hard and not seeing the fruits of my labor? You know? And so I was like, okay, well, what do I do if I want to also reach my financial goals and it's not part of my inner priorities?

So she was like, Well, you just need to build belief there, you need to stack the benefits. Now, one of her mentors is Dr. John Demartini. And I don't know if I've talked about him on the podcast before, but he's a pretty amazing guy. And he wrote this amazing book called The Values Factor. I read it a couple of years ago and basically, he just talks about how you sort of know what your inner values are based on the language you use when you talk. So as an example, a lot of people think, like, for me from, for example, myself, I thought that money was a core value of mine, you know, I started a business to make money and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right? So I’d be able to provide my family with more money, more freedom, more fun, and we can enjoy more things together. But according to his book, and his teachings, that is not necessarily the case. So I might think that one of my core values is money now and I did because growing up we my my parents didn't have much money. They were teenagers when they had us, and my mom always drilled into me, you know, go to school, get a good job, be financially independent, you know, kind of - life is hard if you don't figure out a way to provide for yourself, you know, and like that was like drilled into me hardcore all the time. And so I thought, you know, it's really, really important to have all this money, right.

But also, on the flip side, my family is pretty disconnected. And so I was yearned to have this really close knit family, which I didn't feel I had. And so for me, I actually my own personal value was having a really tight, close knit family. But I thought that money was super important to me. And so Dr. John Demartini, he tells you that you can tell what your core values are, by how you talk about things. So for example, if you really value something, you just automatically do it, it's, it's easy for you, it's just, it's like brushing your teeth, it's just something that you do, no one needs to motivate you to do it, you just do it. So for me making plans with friends, like, Yeah, I do that all the time. Conversely, things that you don't value, you use negative language around not negative, but just different language around. So you'll say, I should, I gotta I need to.

So for example, for me, those things would be like, I should go to the gym, I got to eat healthier, I need to exercise more, whatever, whatever the things are for you note that, you know, health was not one of my inner values. So it's not something that I easily prioritize for myself. It's something I have to build a value for. And so anyway, I was like, paying attention to what Juliana said, remembering this book that I read with Dr. John Demartini. And I was like, Okay, this is very interesting. So yes, so it's very key to sort of know what it is that you truly value and what you don't. And then so what he says to do is Dr. John Demartini, that is, he says, if you want something, but you don't have an inner value for it, you have to create the value.

So how do you create the value, you do that by what he calls benefit stacking. And so what you do is you stack up as many benefits as you possibly can to show why that would be important. So for example, if I wanted to have more money in my life, he says, to just write down all the ways in which having more money will benefit you. So just think of like, you know, how many people can you help? What can you learn? How much further reach can you have? What can you do with your friends and family? How are you going to have more fun, how's it going to help you with learning, because that's another value of mine, maybe not as high up the ladder. But the end, write them all down, write down as many things as you can, and do it often do it every day, until it's so obvious to you the benefit of having the money that you will start to change your behavior. So that you will see more money enter your life. So basically, if something is a value to you, you will study it, this is what he says Dr. Demartini, you will study it, you will mentor under it, you will take actions on it. And until you see those actions override the other actions, you don't really have a value on it. So you actually have to physically see the changes.

So what he says in the book is that people who value money they already have a lot of money. And so they're the people that are socking their money away. They're investing, they're figuring out okay, how can I make my money make me money? You know, they're not big spenders. Right. So we think of the people who are spending and having a good time and having fun and going on trips and traveling, that they have all this money and they do have money, but they actually are valuing those experiences because people who truly value money and having it, they actually don't spend a lot. So just something to ponder and think about.

And then I want to talk about another book too because this sort of just piggybacks on that idea. I'm reading this book right now actually, Juliana recommended it to me. But it's called Existential Kink. And it's pretty cool. There's some explicit language in there. And if that's not cool with you, maybe you don't want to read it, but it's fine with me so I'm reading it. But one of the things that the author says, and oh my gosh, her name is escaping me at this moment, but I will put it in the show notes. But what she says is that having is evidence of wanting, so basically, anything that you have in your life is evidence that you want it. And so I was like, okay, that's interesting. And in the book, so I kinda was like, just thinking about that in my brain and then she used an example, which I super resonated with, she talked about 23 year old man, and who had finished school and should be working, you know, full time by now and supporting himself. But for whatever reason, he can't keep a job, he keeps getting laid off or fired, or something will happen. And he ends up having to, stay with his parents or whatever. And how this guy was sort of like frustrated, because he couldn't figure out like, what's he doing wrong. But what she says is, actually, he actually wants that situation. And here's why this is kind of cool. So when he was growing up, he didn't have a caretaker or he didn't have a great family situation. And he always yearned to be taken care of. And so subconsciously, not consciously, but subconsciously, his he is putting himself in situations that will allow him to continue to be taken care of, because it's something that he really desires.

So I was like, oh my gosh, that is so interesting, because as I mentioned earlier, my parents were teenagers when they had us. And so they were working like crazy to try to get food on the table. And my dad was sort of like, he was a social butterfly and like to be out with his friends all the time. And my mom was very introverted, and she just worked really hard. And she'd be exhausted by the end of the day. But I like I really wanted like I said this earlier, this like really close knit family where I felt really well taken care of. And so I was like, oh, that's so interesting. So I too, am sort of creating situations where I won't necessarily hit that top level of income, that I want to reach those goals that I set for myself, because then I wouldn't need to be taken care of anymore. And it's so crazy when she was just crazy that she used that example in the book because it like all man, you know, like when just something just clicks, it just clicked for me. And I was like, oh, that's so interesting. Because my husband, Tom, he is very successful in his career. He's been doing the same thing for she's, I think, 30 years or, yeah, how old are we like 30 years ish. And, you know, he has a wealth of knowledge in his industry, he's very well respected. And, you know, he is the main provider within our family. And so, I've actually said sometimes in my own frustration, like, I feel like a loser and like, I can't, you know, get my act together. Like, why am I not? Why am I not where I want to be? Like, financially. And, like, I feel like I'm a third child for him. Like, like, he takes care of me. I'm another dependent for him, you know, and now and then. So, through this conversation with Juliana, this book that I read with Dr. John Demartini, and then this book that I'm reading the extra, Existential Kink book, I'm like, oh, my gosh, like, this is all like, everything's sort of making sense now.

So, I'm like, Okay, so now I know, subconsciously, I've been creating these own these situations for myself. And, and consciously I don't even have a high value on money because, like, I even even think about, like, when I was waitressing, I'd always be like, oh, I need to make more money. I gotta pay my rent. But it wasn't like I want to make more money. I was like, I need to make more money. So there's that language again, right. And I I'm. So anyway, I just thought it was very, very cool how everything sort of interplay with each other, and I came to this great realization for myself. So I'm going to get to work on this benefit stacking. And I'm going to, they say that if you write things down over and over and over again and repeat them to yourself, it actually helps to create neural pathways in your brain. So then it becomes a more natural thought for you and become something more that you could do. And I'm paraphrasing, that is not the scientific, technical way of saying everything, but you get the gist. But yeah, so I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to make this benefits list. And I'm going to practice it daily. And I will keep you in the know about how things changed for me in a in a financial perspective, but for right now, I'm just very grateful for the fact that I do work at a job that I absolutely love, that I have a amazing family and friends in my life that I am incredibly grateful for. And that I do have the freedom to work in Florida, fly back to Canada and work what wherever I need to be I can work. And I'm just sitting in that and realizing you know what, I'm actually super duper wealthy within my own inner priorities and values. And that is amazing.

So just a little perspective there for you. I hope my aha served you in a positive way. And I'll be back next time with something else. I'm sure. That's all I got for today. Have a good one. We'll talk to you again soon.

P.S. Scoll down to view resources from the episode.

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