Fearlessness, Self-Worth & Building Confidence [An Interview with Jodie Lee]

Nov 23

Do you have a friend who's fearless, confident and totally knows their self-worth? Do you ever wonder what goes on inside their head and how they got to be the way they are? If so, stay tuned for today's topic. I'm interviewing Entrepreneur, Event Planner, Marine Consultant and World Traveller, Jodie Lee, and we're talking about all of those things, plus her mantra for living her best life.

We talk about:
- Why she’s so fearless
- How she embodies her self-worth
- What helps her grow her confidence
- And her mantra for living her best life

You can listen to the podcast on Apple, Spotify or Anchor OR read the full transcript post below the resources section.

LISTEN TO THE PODCAST

I hope this episode helps give you some insight on how to be more fearless, step into your self-worth and build more confidence. If you have any questions or want to suggest other show ideas, please contact me. I would absolutely LOVE to connect with you.

RESOURCES FROM TODAY’S PODCAST & BLOG:

Connect with Jodie Lee or learn about her corporate and lifestyle gifting services at The Curator’s Shop

OTHER RESOURCES:

Confidence Masterclass with Anthony Trucks

Other Resources to help you

If you’d like to be notified each time an article or podcast comes out, please join my community. I’m dropping mini happiness lessons bi-weekly. I’d love for you to join the community.

JOIn THE COMMUNITY

I also want to invite you to download the free Start Happy Stay Happy Journal that I created to help you start each day off right and help to increase the likelihood of happiness and success in your life daily.

DOWNLOAD

PODCAST EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00.310] - Val Malnar

Do you have a friend who's fearless, confident and totally knows their self-worth? Do you ever wonder what goes on inside their head and how they got to be the way they are? If so, stay tuned for today's episode. I'm interviewing one of my very dearest friends, Jodie Lee, and we're talking about all of those things, plus her mantra for living her best life. This episode was so much fun. We had so many giggles. I can't wait for you to learn all the things hi. Welcome to lessons on happiness. I'm your host, Val Malnar, and I'm here to talk to you about finding happiness through healing, personal growth and mindset practice. My hope is that by sharing my story and the methods I've used to become a happier person, I can help you on your journey to do the same. Thanks so much for tuning in and I hope you enjoy the show. Hey, beautiful people. I'm so excited today because one of my very favorite people in the whole wide world is here to talk to us. Her name is Jodi Lee. We've known each other for oh, my gosh, Jodie. How long?

[00:01:09.710] - Jodie Lee

I want to say 30 years, but how old were we? Probably 25 years. A solid 25.

[00:01:14.790] - Val Malnar

Solid 25, for sure. We've known each other a really, really long time, and Jodie is a person who, to me, has always been so vibrant and full of life, and she's always seemed like she's had so much confidence and lives in her self-worth. And I just wanted to get inside of her head a little bit today so we can understand how she built that self-confidence and self-worth. So, without further ado, Jodie, welcome to the podcast.

[00:01:45.600] - Jodie Lee

Thank you, Val. That was a very nice introduction. Very kind. Not sure I see those same qualities like you do, but we all see different things in each other and I always tell you how much I see in you. So it's very nice of you to say that, but I could just stay here for the next hour and tell you all the amazing things I feel like you are incredible. You are. Thanks.

[00:02:08.140] - Val Malnar

But we're here for you, right?

[00:02:09.660] - Jodie Lee

Amazing.

[00:02:12.640] - Val Malnar

Anyways, no, you know how much I love you and I know how much you love me, and that's why we're here together today. You're my very first podcast guest, which I'm so excited about, and I'm honored that you agreed to do this with me. So, for the listeners, can you tell them a little bit about your background, who you are, what you do, that kind of thing?

[00:02:36.240] - Jodie Lee

Sure. I'm not from too far from here. I'm from Kw, born and raised. I'm a business owner now I own a business that is online corporate gifting with my business partner. We started that joint COVID I am a wife. I am a mother of an eight year old son. I am a daughter. And all the things I don't know really what to say. Perfect.

[00:03:02.620] - Val Malnar

That's perfect. So the first question I wanted to ask you is, like I said when I first introduced you, you've always stood out to me as someone who was really vibrant, full of life, had unwavering confidence is how I would describe it, even if you yourself did not feel that. That's how it seemed to me. And I just wondered, knowing you for so long, I know that there are so many incidences where you took on a challenge that I would not have taken on, that I would have found very intimidating. As an example, Hacienda Sarria. And am I saying that right?

[00:03:43.650] - Jodie Lee

Yeah. Sarria.

[00:03:44.740] - Val Malnar

Okay, so for the people who don't know what that is, could you just give them a little bit of an idea?

[00:03:51.360] - Jodie Lee

It was a beautiful, still is building exists in Kitchener. It was built over 100 years ago as a steel factory, but somebody had the foresight and the vision to spend some money into it and they changed it into like a really high end, beautiful wedding venue. And I was hired in the beginning of that process to help build the business.

[00:04:14.160] - Val Malnar

Yeah. And it's a beautiful, beautiful venue, but it's no longer right.

[00:04:17.760] - Jodie Lee

It's no longer COVID was the first. It really hit those event spaces first and Hacienda went down really quick. Now heartbreaking, really sad, and the building has just actually been bought recently by somebody else. But yeah, beautiful spot and what an incredible opportunity to because it was like a little piece of Europe in Kitchener. I felt really happy and proud to work there.

[00:04:42.040] - Val Malnar

So what I'm thinking about, I mean, I loved the venue, I thought it was stunning. I was lucky enough to go to a couple of events there, including your wedding. But what I'm thinking about is back when you first were trying to get the job there, and I remember you said that you knew you were going to work there and just tell that story a little bit, because I think it's really key.

[00:05:06.880] - Jodie Lee

I don't have very many stories like that in life, but that one sticks out in mind. So I actually have been working away abroad for about twelve years. I'm sure we'll talk about it a little bit, but I worked on privately owned super yacht, so that was an experience in itself. But when I knew that I was going to come home, I knew that I'd come home to Kitchen Waterloo because that's where my family was and I wanted to spend time with my family. And I happened to go to a bed to Hacienda. And it still was not a wedding space, it was just been converted into actually a home. Dirt floors, but beautiful. I mean, it was stunning. And I know that in the time, at that time it was by April, and I thought in September I'll move home. When I was done the refit, I was working on a boat in a refit. And I thought, okay, when I'm done that project, I'll move home, and I'll either start school, go do something at school, or I will go on the Santiago de Compostela pilgrimage in Spain. Just as a little walk, clear my head, and then I can figure out what I want to do.

[00:06:07.570] - Jodie Lee

And the time kind of started passing and by the time September was getting close, I was like, well, I've been traveling a long time. I don't know if I want to walk the pilgrimage. It's maybe not the best time. I need to get home. So I went home, and I was invited to this party. And on the patio it was at Hacienda, and on the patio, I looked down outside and I was standing at a painted drawing or painting of the pilgrimage, the start of the pilgrimage. My feet were on the start of the pilgrimage, and that pilgrimage was drawn all the way around this pond outside.

[00:06:42.960] - Val Malnar

Oh my gosh.

[00:06:43.680] - Jodie Lee

And I thought, oh, my God. Today was the day I was supposed to be in Spain starting this pilgrimage. Had I done that or I was going to choose to come home to go to school? I happened to be at this party, and I knew at that moment I was going to work in that building. I knew I had a connection to that building. It was like Europe. I was comfortable with it. And the pilgrimage, I was standing on it. So I was like, this is my journey here. And so I worked. I begged for that job. I volunteered for free. I did, like, probably six months of, I don't know, volunteer work. And then they started paying me, and I ended up managing the building and the people and the weddings. It was amazing.

[00:07:20.640] - Val Malnar

And I remember you telling me that you what was her name? What was the owner's name?

[00:07:25.750] - Jodie Lee

Nadine. Nadine.

[00:07:27.300] - Val Malnar

I remember you telling me that you told her that you will work for her.

[00:07:31.560] - Jodie Lee

Yeah, actually, it was her dad. And her dad was the owner of the building. And I met him that night at the party because he was allowing somebody to use his home at that point in time for the party. And I said to him, I am going I don't know how, but somehow I'm going to be here in my future. This is my building. I'm going to work here or do something. He's like, well, you know what? There are plans for this to be a business, so here's my daughter's name and number, and you should call her. I went to school for event planning, so I went to Conestoga College. I started then, and I did I don't know what you call it. Like, replacement at the Hacienda. Yeah. I actually didn't get the job the first time I went in for the interview, they turned me down, and I was like, no, you can't turn me down. This is my only option. I see this clearly. It's a hard no that you're going to say no to me. So I went back and I knocked on the door, and I was like, I had an interview, and it just didn't go well.

[00:08:22.020] - Jodie Lee

And I think I need to talk to you. I'm willing to work for free. I have the experience. I'm telling you, I could be valuable for this company, and I know that I can learn. And she's like, okay. I got you. You can come in.

[00:08:33.820] - Val Malnar

That's amazing.

[00:08:34.570] - Jodie Lee

It was good.

[00:08:37.310] - Val Malnar

That right there. So if I was in that situation, I don't think maybe now, like, I'm pushing the limits a little bit more these days, but I can't say for sure that I would. But so what made you so confident that you knew you could do the job and that you could do it well and that you belonged there?

[00:09:02.470] - Jodie Lee

Well, I think it was clear to me then that it was clear to me when I was in the building, I don't know, I had the feeling it was just me. I just felt like that was me. It represented me. I knew that it was fresh and I had lots of ideas. And don't forget, I was coming off a job that I've been doing for a long time, and we focused really, really strongly in high end customer service. And this was this beautiful building, and I knew the kind of clientele that they were going to bring in there they were trying to attract. And I was like, no, I can do this. I just felt like I belonged there. But I think it's a little bit of everything, right? Like, timing. I wasn't a mother. I wasn't a wife. I wasn't I was just I was free. I was alone. I was feeling very high. I had traveled the world on my own. I felt great. I can do anything. Nobody could tell me I couldn't do anything at that point in time. But have I been shaken since then? For sure. And do I need to dig deeper?

[00:09:59.370] - Jodie Lee

For sure. Now, it's not as fluid or it doesn't come as easily, but I think at that point in time, I just felt like I didn't have anything to lose.

[00:10:09.340] - Val Malnar

Right? Yeah, you said something there that kind of struck me. You said that you kind of just knew that it was the place you were supposed to be.

[00:10:17.980] - Val Malnar

So do you mean like, it was an intuition, so to speak? Like you just had a feeling?

[00:10:24.030] - Jodie Lee

Like I had a feeling. I used to have a lot of strong feelings, like, I don't know, they happen from time to time now, but yeah, I think I was just focused on myself.

[00:10:35.130] - Val Malnar

Yeah.

[00:10:35.580] - Jodie Lee

So when you're just 100% able to focus on yourself other than my job, I was living away from my family, so that wasn't an everyday focus. Right? So, yeah, I was just kind of like I was pretty in tune with what I wanted and how I was going to get things and what I wasn't also interested in.

[00:10:53.100] - Val Malnar

Yeah.

[00:10:54.410] - Jodie Lee

So I think that was clear to me.

[00:10:57.150] - Val Malnar

Yeah, that's so cool. That was such a powerful example of what I wanted to talk about. So thank you for sharing all of that. And this is going to seem maybe a little less impactful, but I want to talk about it anyways because I think it shows up for people a lot. So as long as I've known you, I've always known you as a person who buys what they want. You don't cheap out on anything. And so I'm just curious about that. Has there ever been a time where, say you saw something that you wanted very badly but you didn't have the funds for it? And if so, did you buy it? And if you did, what was your rationale for doing so?

[00:11:42.420] - Jodie Lee

Okay, that's a loaded question. I love it. I do buy what I want, typically because you love what you love. And I just think, I mean, life is long, but it's also short. We work hard and I think also, too, going back to my yachting career, I was on a great income then and I was on my own, so I had the luxury of being able to spend and I didn't really think about what I was spending money on for a lot of years. So when I moved back home, I still had that same mentality and I had saved some money and I was working and so it kind of just kept working for me like that. But since I've had a family, obviously things changed a little bit. But I still do like what I like. But I would say that I don't go into debt for anything that I like. Okay. But I would certainly okay. Everybody has a different threshold for debt. I wouldn't go in the red for something, but if it's my last, let's just say, for instance, there was $80,000 in the bank and something I really loved, like a new kitchen, cost 65.

[00:12:51.070] - Jodie Lee

I would be like, well, still get like 15 in the bank after that. To me, the 15 is still great and a new kitchen, that's going to be amazing and I'm going to feel fantastic in the threshold, I think is what we're talking about. There, like what people are comfortable with. Right, right. And I am willing to sort of play with that because I know my husband and I work hard and hopefully we can just keep making the money back and I kind of find experiences and being around nice things that you love really valuable and it's not really like the materialistic part of it. It's just I mean, we spend more money on travel in our family, to be honest, but I never come back from a trip and go, well, that wasn't worth it. That memory sucked, for sure. Granted, I do want a new kitchen now, and I'm not justifying the money right now, so there are times where I'll wait.

[00:13:43.260] - Val Malnar

So you'll be patient?

[00:13:44.650] - Jodie Lee

Yeah, I'll be patient.

[00:13:45.630] - Val Malnar

I'd rather be patient and wait to get exactly what you want.

[00:13:50.820] - Jodie Lee

100%.

[00:13:51.540] - Val Malnar

Then I've had like, four designs in.

[00:13:54.670] - Jodie Lee

My kitchen done, we've gotten closed, and I'm like, not quite sure. Yeah, not quite ready, don't quite know. And also, too, it costs a lot of money. So we have to make sure we have all that money and we're comfortable and confident with what we're going to do.

[00:14:08.920] - Val Malnar

Right?

[00:14:09.330] - Jodie Lee

But, yeah, I'm definitely willing to wait, but if I don't have to, then I won't.

[00:14:14.970] - Val Malnar

So that all makes perfect sense to me. But what about a case where like, OK, let's bring up a funny example with me. So when I first started my interior design business, orange Tree Interiors, you were a client of mine, one of my first clients. Thank you for that. And I actually lost my job before starting that business, and I didn't have money at the time. So I had bought this canvas cheesy bag off Vista Print, remember, and had my logo printed onto it. And then we went to Sofa, which is now called the Toronto International Design Center, and we went there to look at furniture and stuff, and I have this cheesy bag. And you were kind enough to point out that I need a nicer bag, right? So for me, I'm like, well, I just don't have the money for the bag, right. So I would buy a nicer bag if I had a nicer bag, but even the nicer bag that I would buy would not be as nice as the bag you would buy. So I'm just curious, and I don't think you're a materialistic person, so I'm just curious.

[00:15:41.320] - Jodie Lee

All your listeners do.

[00:15:42.760] - Val Malnar

No, they don't. I'm just curious. For me, I'm like, oh, well, I don't know if it's my own self-worth or like I'm not worth spending the money on the bag or the bag is not worth the money or whatever. But I just feel like if you were starting out and you had no money and you were taking a client somewhere, you would need a nice bag and you would spend the money on the bag. I just want to understand, would you go into that?

[00:16:18.240] - Jodie Lee

Because the thing is, when I have a nice pair of shoes, a nice pair, and I'm not talking thousands of dollars yeah, let's say $200 canvas bag was like $40. Let's talk about a nice pair of leather boots, because I like leather combat boots, right? Like, that's my jam. So if there's that option versus, let's say, an option that's $60, that's like maybe man made material. Listen, I have for many years formed them in, and that's fine. And if I have to go back to that grade but if I can afford the leather pair. I'm going to get them because I'm going to feel better in them. I just will. They'll fit better, they'll look better, and I'll feel a little bit more confident in those boots. And it's worth it. Yeah, those little things are worth it. If that can build you up a little bit, and it's not going to fix everything. But if I can look down and go, god, I love these boots every time, which I do for years for one pair of boots. I can keep a pair of boots for five years and literally like my car. I love my car.

[00:17:17.770] - Jodie Lee

Too much money. But every single day I get in that car for three or coming on three years, I go, God, I love this car. And I tell my husband probably one time a week, I mean, it must be so annoying.

[00:17:29.530] - Val Malnar

I'm like that car.

[00:17:30.870] - Jodie Lee

I love this car. I'm so glad. And he's like, I'm so glad you like it, babe. I was like, I can't explain to you how much I love this car. I feel safe in it. I love the feeling of it. I love the smell, the color. I love the way it feels when I'm driving it.

[00:17:43.720] - Val Malnar

Yes.

[00:17:44.370] - Jodie Lee

And was it more money than I needed to spend in the car? Absolutely. But do every time. And there am I so amazed by this vehicle. Yeah, I am. And I love it. And it was so worth it to have that, I think, because there's so many things in life where we walk around, we're like, okay, okay, it's fine, it's good enough, it's okay, that's okay. But if you can once in a while just, like, treat yourself and it makes you feel good and it can lift you up, like, why not?

[00:18:10.770] - Val Malnar

It's funny that you say that, because there's two things, actually that you said there that I think are really important. One is the gratitude that you have for that vehicle. So just appreciating it so much. I just think that that gives you well, and you said it gives you such a great feeling. Right. And then the other thing is, I've been doing a lot of personal self-discovery recently and taking a coaching program, and my coach actually says, if you want to be extraordinary, then you have to do extraordinary things. Right? And if you want to feel like a millionaire, then you have to act like a millionaire, right, and put whatever word in there. But you're just saying, like, you feel amazing when you're in there, so it's totally worth it, right? Like, you're just embodying exactly how you want to feel.

[00:19:09.970] - Jodie Lee

Exactly.

[00:19:10.680] - Val Malnar

So it's really interesting that you're just doing that naturally without any effort, right? Yeah. Without any forethought.

[00:19:19.390] - Jodie Lee

I never even thought about it. We talk about it.

[00:19:21.480] - Val Malnar

It's amazing. And it's funny that you use the example of boots, because boots is what I put on my really?

[00:19:28.310] - Jodie Lee

Yeah. Because I know you love your boots. Well, they're on your feet every day. They hold you up. It's your foundation. You look down at your feet and go, damn, these are wicked boots.

[00:19:37.660] - Val Malnar

Yeah. And also you wear them every day.

[00:19:39.720] - Jodie Lee

Every day. I'm not talking about getting new boots every month like we're talking. I've had hair, like I said, for years. But I shine them, I like them, I'm proud of them, and it feels good. And if I wear cheap boots, I feel cheap.

[00:19:53.830] - Val Malnar

Yeah.

[00:19:54.610] - Jodie Lee

You know, if I have a cheap purse, I feel that cheap. I know it, you know, and it.

[00:19:59.530] - Val Malnar

Doesn'T really I'm afraid to bring my purse tonight. We're going for dinner afterward. I can put my cards in my back pocket. Oh my gosh.

[00:20:17.440] - Jodie Lee

Okay, so then no judgment.

[00:20:21.490] - Val Malnar

Oh, my gosh.

[00:20:22.320] - Jodie Lee

As long as it's just not that other person.

[00:20:24.640] - Val Malnar

No, it's not. It's marginally better. I think it's fake leather, though.

[00:20:33.490] - Jodie Lee

Yeah, sure. The animals.

[00:20:36.570] - Val Malnar

Yeah. Oh, well, that's good.

[00:20:38.380] - Jodie Lee

Thanks for that perspective.

[00:20:40.320] - Val Malnar

OK, so let's talk about something that was a little bit intimidating for you, but you went ahead with it. So recently you were invited to do some consulting for the Marines for laundry and housekeeping. So talk to us a little bit about the nerves going into that and how you were able to sort of overcome them and just go and have the experience and do the job.

[00:21:11.530] - Jodie Lee

And the reason why you know that I was so nervous is because the day before I had to do it, when I was in Washington DC. I was having a meltdown in my hotel room and I got a hold of you out of all the people there is to get a hold of. I knew for some reason I know well. I know you well enough that reaching out to you was my answer, and it really was. So if had it not been for you answering the questions the way you did or talking to me and giving me encouragement the way you did, I don't think I could have done it. I literally said to my husband, I think I'm going to pack my bags on me. I'm not qualified to be here. I don't know why they've asked me. This is crazy. He's like, what are you talking about? I was like, I don't know. It's just like, this is all wrong anyway. Yeah, you really pulled me out of that dark hole because I was really in a downward spiral. I was really full of self it's hard to say. Yeah, self-doubt. It should be hard to say.

[00:22:04.710] - Jodie Lee

We shouldn't say it. And I don't know where that came from. I think I haven't actually taught those components for a long time. I used to teach them routinely and because when I started my own business, I wasn't doing that as often. So it's kind of going back into something that I know really well, but I haven't sort of done recently. Plus, it was to the Marines, like, 23 active Marines. That is intimidating. I was teaching them how to make a bed. Like, can you imagine? Like, in boot camp, they do hospital corners. Like, these guys know what they're doing, women and men. But that was terrifying for me, and I don't think I've had nerves like that for as long as I can remember. Like, that nervous. That was crippling. And I don't know what happened, where I just was spiraling. It was out of control. But I spoke to you. Well, you and I were back and forth, thank goodness. A few times Dan helped me, and I was like, okay, I just need to deal with this. Have a good night's sleep and just deal with it. And actually, in the morning when I woke up, I felt much better was I kind of had to get it all out the night before, and then as soon as I got in front of the class and was speaking with them, I was like, okay, this is my jam.

[00:23:13.260] - Jodie Lee

I know what I'm doing here. I know what I'm doing. I know why I'm here. But it was just doubting myself beforehand that got me down that, you know, dark hole.

[00:23:23.920] - Val Malnar

So you got all spirally. You had your chitchat with Dan and myself and whoever else you went to bed, still hand out a little bit of my anxiety, and then in the morning, you felt better before you went.

[00:23:37.890] - Jodie Lee

Well, I went in. I actually did. What helped as well is I watched one class. I was there a day and a half early. I actually watched one class happen with another instructor, so I was kind of just in the background seeing, like, I was in the environment. I wanted to be in the room, and I wanted to see what they were sitting, what their faces look like. And I didn't want all that surprised because I was teaching for five days straight when I was going into it, and there were, like, 910 hours days, and I was like, this is a lot when you haven't seen the environment, you know, the people or anything. So that helped because I got to watch somebody else sort of interact. And then when I went in there, obviously it wasn't the first time I'd stepped foot in the classroom environment then for them. So that helped me. I think that's a big thing, like, if you can't picture an environment. For me, yeah, that was like, I don't know what's happening. And then I just realized, like, I do every time that I do some consulting or teaching or whatever, that these are just people, and they're just there to learn, and they're just like, you and I, and they don't want to see you fail, and I don't want to fail, and I don't want to fail them.

[00:24:39.840] - Jodie Lee

And then you're like, okay, I know this. I know what I'm doing. Right. I can do it. And it was really successful. They passed this back in March, so I'm really happy about that. I'm proud. But yeah, those nerves that shocked me. Yeah, it shocked me. I've never been that nervous about anything ever. Custom. Yeah.

[00:24:56.710] - Val Malnar

That's incredible. They were able to sort of overcome that in the moment.

[00:25:00.420] - Jodie Lee

Well, I don't think I had a choice. You could walk away while I was so close to walking away. Like, I can't tell you how serious I was. I was like, okay, flight, I can get a flight out of here. Just tell them I'm sick. I was coming up with all kinds of crazy and I'm like, what is happening? Like, just pull your big girl boots up those wear boots and make it happen. Like, you can't do this. You know, like a bit of a chat. And I think honestly, when I think back to being young, I think my mom was always like, just do the things, wear the makeup, wear the outfits, date the boys and travel where you want to go. Like, do all the things, work the jobs, do it all. She never said no to anything about anything.

[00:25:43.740] - Val Malnar

Oh, wow.

[00:25:44.560] - Jodie Lee

Like, very, very much. Like, I don't know, she encouraged me to just do it all and take the risks. And so I grew up doing things that I didn't even think about. I didn't even I started to not think, oh, that's the risk. I didn't see why something was scary anymore. Like there wasn't something to lose for me. I was like, oh, it's just another experience. Right? Right. That's kind of how I treated, like another experience. And that encouragement really helped me. She kind of created like the Spiralist. Like I was fearless for a long time. And I think, as I said to you earlier on, since becoming a mom and since being married and through the pandemic, I think my nerves got a little shocked. Just not the same confident, like as confident as I used to be. But I know it's there because when I doubted myself and I pulled myself together on that Monday morning, that was me again.

[00:26:37.110] - Val Malnar

Yeah.

[00:26:37.650] - Jodie Lee

It just had to get through those cogwabs, you know?

[00:26:40.090] - Val Malnar

Right. Yeah, it's amazing. OK, so the next question I wanted to ask you was, have you always been a confident person?

[00:26:52.840] - Jodie Lee

So it's so funny because you say I'm a confident person, but you don't feel confident. No, that's not more than like I look at you and I'm like, look at what you accomplished. Like, you do so much, you're basic, you know?

[00:27:03.640] - Val Malnar

That's funny. I guess it's all perception, right?

[00:27:06.130] - Jodie Lee

It is. Of course you would not consider yourself a confident person.

[00:27:11.740] - Val Malnar

What about scale?

[00:27:13.460] - Jodie Lee

I know the people around me would I know that yourself or my friends or my husband would say, yeah, confident. When I show in an area, like, if I'm nervous, I'm not confident. Like, you even said, I'm surprised. And Daniel, then my husband, will say, what do you mean? What do you mean you're not like, this is a view. So I know that people around me, I think, generally think I'm pretty confident, and I probably am, I guess. But I see and remember the times that I'm not, or I hear the self the self-doubt. Yeah. I hear that in my own head. I might not voice it, or I may get over it in my own little way, but I hear that in my own head.

[00:27:56.210] - Val Malnar

But you just choose to forge forward anyway.

[00:28:00.370] - Jodie Lee

Sure. Yeah. Because I know the experience is always best, right?

[00:28:03.630] - Val Malnar

Yeah.

[00:28:04.420] - Jodie Lee

You can't be trying something. You can't beat experience. You get nothing from saying no or not trying. You get nothing. And I know that. We know that. It's always worth it to me.

[00:28:17.220] - Val Malnar

I saw this I attended a confidence workshop not too long ago, a couple of weeks ago, actually, and there was an athlete there. Oh, my gosh, what was his name? Anthony Trucks. And he was talking about how confidence is on the other side of fear.

[00:28:40.080] - Jodie Lee

Right.

[00:28:40.710] - Val Malnar

So you don't become confident and then do a thing.

[00:28:45.910] - Jodie Lee

Can I tell you?

[00:28:46.830] - Val Malnar

Do the thing to get confident.

[00:28:48.580] - Jodie Lee

Okay. I need to tell you something right now. When I moved to Banff with Brandy when we were 20, we knew you I was 19 or 20. I said, I'm moving to Banff. You gave me a card. You gave Brandy and I a card, a postcard you wrote on the back, and what it said on the front is, courage is a system. Freedom is a system based on courage. Freedom is a system based on courage. That's what the postcard said to me of this guy climbing this mountain. You wrote in the background, so happy you girls are doing this. Have the time of your life, blah, blah, blah. But I kept that. I still have it at home. It's in a drawer somewhere. But freedom is a system based on courage, and it's so true. And it doesn't mean freedom traveling. It can be freedom in any sense your mental freedom, your physical freedom, whatever freedom it is. But you have to have some type of courage, and it doesn't mean confidence. That could come later, right?

[00:29:39.970] - Val Malnar

Yeah. But you get confident from having courage.

[00:29:42.490] - Jodie Lee

I feel like you get it eventually.

[00:29:44.850] - Val Malnar

As soon as you have the courage to do the thing, then on the other side is the confidence. I did that thing.

[00:29:52.890] - Jodie Lee

It feels the more you do, the more confident you become. That seems like a natural progression to me, the littler you do, you live in your little world without trying things. And do you? Well, I mean, that's crippling to me. That's crippling suffocating 100%.

[00:30:09.310] - Val Malnar

Yeah.

[00:30:11.890] - Jodie Lee

Okay.

[00:30:12.520] - Val Malnar

So I was going to ask you what you attribute your confidence to, but I feel like you've sort of answered that but if there's anything that you want to add to the fact that you've always just really embraced experiences like just trying the things water skiing comes to mind.

[00:30:36.260] - Jodie Lee

Water enema. That's not for this one. That's another story. Yeah. My black eye. This is the thing this is the thing about conflict that we can tell that story, but this is the thing is that if we don't do something, it's usually a fear of failure, right? Yes. Or judgment.

[00:30:54.280] - Val Malnar

Yeah.

[00:30:55.540] - Jodie Lee

I don't give a shit what other people think about me anymore. I don't know if I ever really did. There's maybe a minuscule part of me that's, you know, obviously I don't want people to think I'm a bad person or a mean person or like I want them to like me like anybody else. But people's opinion of me doesn't change my course.

[00:31:15.220] - Val Malnar

Right.

[00:31:16.910] - Jodie Lee

So I've always just kind of done what I've done because it's me and it's my life, and I'm going to do what I want to do. Just like everybody should be doing for themselves.

[00:31:25.890] - Val Malnar

Right.

[00:31:27.340] - Jodie Lee

I don't want to judge other people for what they're doing. I hope I don't I hope that I support people with and I really don't care also what other people are doing that often I'm happy for my friends. I'm interested in all of their stuff. But to be honest, I don't feel jealousy about people's lives, and I don't feel like I also need to get too involved with other people I'm doing. Right. If you're happy, that's all that really matters. I go about that treating myself the same way I'll do, what makes me happy, what makes my family happy, what makes what works for us? And I think that it's pretty simple because you usually know what you want to do and what's going to make you happy.

[00:32:11.580] - Val Malnar

Right.

[00:32:12.210] - Jodie Lee

You usually know what you want to try, but if we worry about what people are thinking about us all the time or how people will react, and it's a disaster.

[00:32:21.600] - Val Malnar

So is there ever a time where you can think of where you're really kind of wavering, should I do this? Should I not do this? Or do you feel like you always are pretty in tune with what you do and don't want to do?

[00:32:34.610] - Jodie Lee

I know what I don't want to do. I know generally what I don't want.

[00:32:38.770] - Val Malnar

To do right away.

[00:32:41.960] - Jodie Lee

What I do want to do. Sometimes there's a scale, but yeah, it's usually pretty clear to me. Yes, it's pretty clear.

[00:32:51.400] - Val Malnar

Okay, this is a question that wasn't on my list, but I'm just thinking of it now. Let's say there was something you did really want to do. Like, let's say somebody came to you with an opportunity, and I'll just make something fictional up. And I said, we would like you to come to San Francisco to do a talk on whatever, but we can't afford to pay you, and you'll have to pay for your own travel and accommodations, but you'd be exposed to a pretty good audience. Not an amazing audience, but a good audience, and your life is super busy at the time. But you felt like, I think I want to do it. There was, like, a feeling in you that you wanted to do it. Would you just do it without being paid, or would you find a way to get paid for that?

[00:33:42.090] - Jodie Lee

Yeah, well, I'm struggling with the audience part because I don't know what kind of audience would matter to me.

[00:33:48.640] - Val Malnar

All right.

[00:33:51.490] - Jodie Lee

What audience? Why would I care about this? But if I'm having, like you mean if I have a marine, if there's a following and it will lead to.

[00:34:00.450] - Val Malnar

More business or something yeah.

[00:34:02.640] - Jodie Lee

Probably not do it if I'm not getting paid.

[00:34:04.930] - Val Malnar

Yes.

[00:34:05.490] - Jodie Lee

I don't know. San Francisco, I'm taking time away from my family, and part of me goes, yeah, san francisco trip, for sure. I do that. But then the only part of me thinks, well, if you want me there, pay me.

[00:34:16.290] - Val Malnar

Yes. Would you give them that option?

[00:34:18.940] - Jodie Lee

Yeah, I would say, listen, I really want to do this is a great opportunity for you and I. How do we meet in the middle? Sure. At least pay for my flights. I mean, I don't think I need to walk out with thousands, but I think paying for my flight and my time is, you know that's fair.

[00:34:34.710] - Val Malnar

Yeah. And you'd have no qualms about asking for no.

[00:34:37.950] - Jodie Lee

I mean, I might think, oh, that's a bit nervy, but I would do it before I would just book a flight and go deep in my own pocket or somebody else's. And we have that at work. Right. We often because we work with a lot of companies and individuals, we often have people wanting a lot of things for free or honestly at cost or whatever, and I'm just like, well, that doesn't feed our families. So, you know, I'd love to do that. I would love to have a business where I can give everybody something at cost, but that's just not reasonable. So you get better at asking or just speaking up for yourself or adjusting your prices or whatever, right? Yeah.

[00:35:14.190] - Val Malnar

And if they said no, would you say no?

[00:35:16.990] - Jodie Lee

Yeah, I think I mean, well, okay, I happened to San Francisco before. I liked it, but I'm not yearning to go back there again. So I'm just thinking about really getting into your example, but I think I would yeah. I think if you want me for something that's going to benefit you as well, then it should be a symbiotic relationship.

[00:35:37.310] - Val Malnar

Yeah, I love that.

[00:35:38.350] - Jodie Lee

Right. Do you think so?

[00:35:42.260] - Val Malnar

If somebody else that gave me that scenario, I would say to them, absolutely, you should be paid. And if I was in that scenario, I'd be like, oh, it's such a great opportunity. I'll probably just go. I'm working on it. I'm working on it. Okay.

[00:36:01.760] - Jodie Lee

But at least you can see that that's really out of whack, right. You're worth a lot. I mean, you spend a lot of time researching and doing all the things you do thoroughly. Like, the hardest working person I've ever met in my whole life. So, I mean, you should really be putting huge value into that. You're an asset.

[00:36:23.290] - Val Malnar

Yeah, I don't know. Thank you for saying that. I don't know. Sometimes well, I know I work hard, but sometimes I feel like I could be working a little smarter.

[00:36:44.210] - Jodie Lee

Everybody can work a little more. The thing is, too, is that often I will have a struggle with I like to give things away for free quite often. Right. Like, I have a business part. I love you, but who keeps us accountable? But oftentimes I want to just have a I want to have a business where I'm just giving away things for free because it feels so good.

[00:37:10.990] - Val Malnar

Yeah.

[00:37:11.350] - Jodie Lee

Like, to me, it's the best thing in the world is to give people things and then be like, it just take it a car. You get a pen, you get a pen. That's where I'm at. But it feels so good. And my business friends, like, with the pen, cost seven adults. There's always that sort of I have to juggle that a little bit, I guess, because we do have a business where we need to make money. But my heart tells me, you know what? We can add a little bit more. We can do a little bit of this, a little bit of that, and we can do that, and we do do that often. We'll often say, okay, let's just add something else, or something. But it's a fine balance, right? You got to know.

[00:37:53.310] - Val Malnar

Yeah, for sure. Oh, my gosh. Okay. I want to ask you about when you make a mistake. When you make a mistake, how do you handle that?

[00:38:11.810] - Jodie Lee

Expectantly it's very familiar.

[00:38:19.460] - Val Malnar

Let's say it's a mistake with a client, right? Like, you messed up order or something. Right. Something that affects somebody else.

[00:38:27.850] - Jodie Lee

Right. I was super hard on myself. Immediately I go to, you idiot. I have all these, like I'm like, oh, don't feel good about myself at all because I obviously don't want inconvenience to let down anybody around me, but it happens. And also, I think when people make mistakes with me, I think I'm a fairer person. I mean, I'm not hard on other people around me, and I understand the world human. So I think once I get there and I realize that probably the person will be okay with me if I just admit it and we can talk about it, I feel okay.

[00:39:03.520] - Val Malnar

Yeah.

[00:39:03.810] - Jodie Lee

But initially yeah. Terrible horrendous. Yeah. Like, I'll send them everything for free. Like, take my car that I love, just anything. I'm so sorry.

[00:39:12.000] - Val Malnar

Yeah. And then are you able to so you're beating up on yourself you know, oh, my gosh, I messed up, blah, blah, blah, or whatever, and I'm so stupid, I'm so careless. How could I do that? Are you able to then talk yourself out of that, or do you find that you go to someone else to help you with that?

[00:39:36.410] - Jodie Lee

Yeah, probably say something to Dan. Yeah, probably say, like, babe. And then he's like, my biggest cheerleader. The best. Right. So it's like, oh, you're awesome. You didn't mean to, or don't worry, like it's normal, or he memorizes everything for me, and I talk myself off.

[00:39:55.030] - Val Malnar

The off the ledge.

[00:39:56.230] - Jodie Lee

Off the ledge, yeah. But it takes a little bit of time, for sure.

[00:40:00.940] - Val Malnar

It's so important to have those people in our lives, isn't it?

[00:40:03.640] - Jodie Lee

Yeah.

[00:40:03.880] - Val Malnar

Because we forget, and I feel like we talk to ourselves the worst. Right. Every time I find myself, like, now, it took me a long time to get here, but now when I do something where I hurt somebody's feelings or actually yes. Not yesterday, a couple of days ago, I heard a friend's feelings by an accident, and I felt really bad about it, and I was like, oh, I really didn't mean for because, you know, I can be intense at times and brutally honest. I think both can. Just not everyone can handle brutal honesty. She was nice enough to say to me, that's a lot like, can you take it down a thousand? And so I felt really bad because she's a sensitive soul.

[00:41:05.510] - Jodie Lee

And I was.

[00:41:06.070] - Val Malnar

Kind of beating up on myself, like.

[00:41:07.600] - Jodie Lee

You know, better, you know, she's a sensitive soul.

[00:41:09.870] - Val Malnar

Why would you be so, like, harsh in your in your honesty? And then I was like, no, no, wait, let's judge my intention. Was my intention good? Yes. You know, and then sort of, what would I say to a friend if the same thing happened? So I'm getting better at that. I'm starting to become my own cheerleader.

[00:41:31.170] - Jodie Lee

Which is, I think, ideally where we want to get and I think there's a couple of things there, right. Like acknowledging to that person that you realize that, you know what, I probably overstepped. I realized that admitting to them that your story or that your intentions weren't to hurt their feelings, I think that, like, conversation alone, when you start that conversation, you're going to get ease up on yourself. Right.

[00:41:57.720] - Val Malnar

Yeah. And she was so gracious. Of course, because you addressed it. Yeah.

[00:42:01.840] - Jodie Lee

Like, how gracious would one be if you didn't address it? You could have long term damage. Right. But you address it, and then she would be gracious, and you could sort of take it easy on yourself.

[00:42:12.580] - Val Malnar

Yeah, but I think the key for me was that I was able to be gracious with myself before I even spoke to her. I did apologize, and she was like, no, it was just like I was having a day. And I appreciate what you said, but it was just I couldn't take it all at whatever and that's fine. But I was actually sort of proud of myself that I was able to talk myself to before I even spoke with her because that is something new for me.

[00:42:42.090] - Jodie Lee

Yeah, that's great.

[00:42:44.360] - Val Malnar

Okay, so the last thing I think I want to ask you is if I know OK, so we talk for a second about a scale. And you didn't actually give me a number and cause we didn't sit on it that long, but if I'm saying that I feel you're a confident person, you're saying the people around you feel you're a confident person. You feel you are to a certain extent. Right. I'm not going to force you to give me a number.

[00:43:14.210] - Jodie Lee

I'll give you a ten. Okay. Is ten the most confident?

[00:43:20.160] - Val Malnar

Ten is the most confident.

[00:43:22.020] - Jodie Lee

Give me an example of who you would think would be a ten.

[00:43:24.420] - Val Malnar

Just out of oh, like Oprah.

[00:43:30.820] - Jodie Lee

Oh, Oprah. Okay.

[00:43:32.960] - Val Malnar

I feel she's pretty confident.

[00:43:34.920] - Jodie Lee

She is confident. I agree. I'm not a big fan. Okay. I know it's okay. But.

[00:43:46.240] - Val Malnar

I don't know why she came to mind.

[00:43:47.830] - Jodie Lee

Because she's confident.

[00:43:48.640] - Val Malnar

I guess that's why she came to my mind.

[00:43:50.130] - Jodie Lee

She is. I would say I would probably be hovering at a solid seven and a half.

[00:43:55.890] - Val Malnar

Yes, that's good.

[00:43:56.970] - Jodie Lee

Yes, there's room to grow. But I've grown a lot. Yeah. And honestly, not that I'm, like on here wanting to talk about my mom, but I think it's value because as a parent now, raising a child and wanting them to try things and be confident, I'm often having to question what I say to him and how I say it and how I'm pulling him back from opportunities because I'm scared he's going to hurt himself or whatever. Like those things all build confidence. Right. Or destroy it.

[00:44:29.440] - Val Malnar

Right.

[00:44:30.410] - Jodie Lee

But I really think that my mum helped me by just giving me a loose lead. I don't know, just like, don't worry about it, Joe, you'll figure it out. Like, I mean, it really was amazing. I had friends whose parents were grabbing onto them at the airport when we were leaving to do things. And my mom wasn't even at the airport. She didn't even know I had a ticket. Yeah, just go and try and do and I think when you approach life like that into your adulthood, it just feels very normal to approach adulthood like that. I guess I want that for Bronson, for my son.

[00:45:10.760] - Val Malnar

I love that. I was going to ask you the last question I was going to ask you was how do you develop more self-worth and confidence? And I think you just answered it right there. Go and try and do. Yeah.

[00:45:23.890] - Jodie Lee

I feel like anytime Bronson says I'd like to try this or this is something that's interesting me, I'm like, okay, well, let's do it. And he's kind of like, hold on, I just saw it once on a TV commercial and I'm like, no, we got to try it because it might be something you love, and if it's not, that's okay, we can move on. But if you have any inkling that you might enjoy or want to do something new or different, I'm all for it. And I feel like as adults, we need to treat ourselves the same way. We're still learning, we still have life, we still have growth. So we should do the things we want to do and try and buy the things we want to buy if we can do it. I'm not saying go into debt, but just you know what? Just do it. Yeah, it's a lot of time for not doing.

[00:46:09.190] - Val Malnar

Yeah, for sure. I love it. Thank you so much for coming on. It was such a joy to talk to you. I love you so much and maybe I'll have you back another time.

[00:46:23.020] - Jodie Lee

We'll see how many lessons you get from it.

[00:46:29.660] - Val Malnar

Oh my gosh, that was so much fun. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. I think the key takeaway here is to go and try all the things, do whatever you can, you'll figure it out, whatever it is, and surround yourself with people and things that make you feel good and have gratitude for all the goodness in your life. That's all I got for today. Until next time. In the words of Jodie Lee, go try and do bye for now.

[00:47:06.410] - Jodie Lee

I never thought about.

[00:47:10.540] - Val Malnar

I'll do the intro later, but then I actually have to like I'll do the intro later, but I have to actually introduce you.

[00:47:19.090] - Jodie Lee

At the end when you're more comfortable. Okay, now after that, I just like to introduce myself.

[00:47:32.810] - Val Malnar

Thanks so much for listening to the Lessons on Happiness podcast. If you'd like to know more about the information I'm sharing or how I've become a happier person, check out the show notes, reach out to me on social or email me at val@valmalnar.com. My goal is to help as many people as possible live happier lives. So if you've enjoyed this episode, please take a screenshot and share it on Social and tag @valmalnar so that we can reach far and wide. I'd also love your feedback, so please leave a review so that I can be sure to create more content that is helpful and resonate with you.

Thanks again for tuning in and until next time, wishing you happy vibes and big strides.