My Story & Why I Started This Blog

The pandemic hit me hard in 2020 and I found myself spiraling into depression. I had a choice to let it get me or climb my way out of it. I chose the latter. I've done some serious work on myself in the last several months and I'm feeling SO much happier as a result. I started this blog (as well as my website and podcast) for anyone out there that is feeling lost and hopeless and needs to find their way back to happy.

Think of valmalnar.com as a “How to be Happier” resource center. I'm sharing.....

-A podcast to share lessons I’ve learned and anything else that I think could potentially help you

Today I’m sharing my story on my very first podcast episode. You can listen here or read the transcript below.

LISTEN TO THE PODCAST

PODCAST EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Why did I start this podcast? I really just want to help as many people as possible find happiness by overcoming personal adversity and owning their greatness.

Hi. Welcome to Lessons on happiness. I'm your host, Val Malnar, and I'm here to talk to you about finding happiness through healing, personal growth and mindset practice. My hope is that by sharing my story and the methods I've used to become a happier person, I can help you on your journey to do the same. Thanks so much for tuning in and I hope you enjoy the show.

Hey there, lovely people. Welcome to my very first podcast episode. I am so excited that you're here. I had the idea to start a podcast for quite some time now, but if I'm being honest, lack of self-confidence and self-doubt were holding me back. But I've decided - no more! I'm taking the plunge. It's been a journey of ups and downs over the last couple of years, and now I'm feeling happier than ever, and I just want to be able to help other people on their journey to find happiness as well. So let me tell you a little bit about who I am so you know who you're listening to and whether or not you should continue listening [laughs]. My name is Val. I'm a wife and a mama of two awesome kids. I love people, the beach, reading, up on business and self-development, and traveling to new places. I went to school a bunch of times. I was having trouble figuring out what I wanted to do when I grew up. So I started off in pre health science and then holistic nutrition and then marketing, and then eventually interior decorating. So you can probably tell that I'm a multi-passionate person that loves to learn.

I like to call myself a serial student. I don't think I'll ever stop taking courses and trying to learn new things. In 2017, I started my own virtual interior design business called Orangetree Interiors, and it quickly became a labor of love for me. I loved it so much. It's been such a great business, all of it. It fulfills me creatively. I get to work with lots of amazing people. I get to swoon over top designers in the latest home decor. It's been great, and learning how to run a business has really given me a sense of accomplishment. It's really been such a blessing. I will say this though, even when I first had the idea to start this business, I knew it wasn't going to be the be-all and end-all for me. I knew that it was going to be my stepping stone business. I just didn't know what the next thing was. Then in late 2019, I figured it out. Like I said, being an interior designer has been very creatively fulfilling for me, but I really felt like I wanted to make a deeper impact on the world. I wanted to help people in a way that felt more meaningful to me.

I felt like all the growth that I had personally experienced through running a business taught me not to doubt myself so much. And I was overcome with this desire to help other people overcome self-doubt and just find their greatness so that they could live their best life. So I started reading more and attending workshops and conferences, and I was really on the trajectory of the next big thing. But then the pandemic hit. At first I was fine. I was looking at it all from the perspective of maybe this was "meant" to happen, to force people to slow down and evaluate what's really important to them. Or maybe someone losing their job was the push they needed to get out and go do the thing that they've always wanted to do but didn't. Or maybe, and I say this with sincere empathy, maybe losing a loved one was a message to cherish other loved ones and hold those relationships super close. I didn't know why it was happening, but I did have an optimistic view. Two months later, though, that optimistic view was shot. I was homeschooling a four year old and a seven year old.

I was trying to run a business that was busier than ever due to people being stuck at home and having nowhere to go and wanting to refresh their four walls. Which please don't get me wrong.....I am very grateful for that. But it was a very hard time because it was so demanding of me. And I know many other people experienced the same thing….and to even a greater degree. I'm just sharing my own personal experience. I'm home with my kids. I'm busier than ever. I'm trying to help teach them. I'm trying to be some shred of a wife for my husband. I'm trying to train three new employees. I was totally spent. I totally broke down. I was at my wits end. I felt tremendous guilt for wanting to work so much on my business, because I had worked on it so hard for three years to get clients, and now I finally had a full schedule. But my kids were home and they needed my attention. I felt bad for not being more present and wanting to play with them. I felt bad for leaving them too often to watch TV or play on devices while I worked on serving my clients.

I had a fear that if I stepped away from my business, I wouldn't be able to gain the momentum back and the business that I had worked so hard for would crumble and I'd be viewed as a failure. And even though I knew my kids needed more attention, if I'm being honest, I didn't want to spend more time playing. Honestly, I just wanted to work. I did make some time for crafts and baking and a little bit of Lego and playdoh here and there, but that was all I could really muster. I feel terrible saying it out loud, but I'm just not a parent that loves to play. I felt guilty and selfish and like I was an inadequate mother, but I chose to work anyway. I had a really busy year, like I said. I hired three new staff and I finally felt like my business was a success. But my mental health was really suffering. I didn't feel like there was enough of me to go around, and I really felt helpless because of all that was going on in the world. What I'm about to say may be controversial, and it's not my intent.

I'm just being full on real with you folks. I'm not an antivaxxer, but I felt really nervous about the safety of the vaccine for COVID-19 and I didn't want to take it, and I certainly didn't want to give it to my kids. So as a family, we chose not to take it. I personally had read and seen too many articles and videos of vaccine injuries to feel good about taking it. To be clear again, I have no issue at all with anyone who decided to take it. That is absolutely your choice. I personally just felt sick about it and did not want to take it. So not taking the vaccine also meant that we couldn't go very many places and that my kids wouldn't be able to participate in sports. So I felt even guiltier. I wondered if I was making the wrong choice. I didn't want them to lose out on social interaction or being part of a team or the physical activity, but risking hurting them again. I'm basing this on what I personally learned and experienced was just not something that I could morally do. So I began to feel guiltier and more worrisome and more isolated, and I got into a really dark place.

I became really disinterested in my business and I started having suicidal thoughts. Don't worry, you don't need to call anyone. I wouldn't have done it because of my kids, but I did fantasize about it. I felt really hopeless. Lucky for me, because I have experienced deep depression in the past. I recognized this feeling from previous periods in my life, and I knew where I was headed. So I made the conscious decision to stop consuming the news, stop engaging, talk about politics, coven and vaccine statuses, and start working on my mental health insanity. I went back to doing all the things that had helped me previously when I was experiencing depression. Mainly reading books and practicing gratitude for all the good things in my life, like my health and the roof over my head and food on our table. Music Netflix how my kids have now become closer and more Independent I dedicated 30 to 45 minutes each morning to working on myself, focusing on my thoughts and determining the things that I truly value in my life so that I could start taking steps toward living in my values. Now I'm actually grateful for the pandemic because it got me here.

It forced me to look within to figure out what I want with my life. It taught me that I value enjoying experiences with the people I love over anything else, and having meaningful conversations with a small group is much more fulfilling to me than surface level talk at a big party. It taught me that even in a world where things aren't ideal; I'm free to choose how I feel about it. It taught me that it's time for me to start making a deeper impact in the world, connecting with more people, and seeing who I might be able to help by sharing what works for me. So that's where I'm at, and that's why I started this podcast. I'm going to use this podcast as an opportunity to share my personal journey through life with you. I plan to share all the lessons I've learned well, maybe not all of them, but many of them, and continue to learn throughout my own personal development so that maybe you can find a few little nuggets that help you. I'd also like to let you know about some of the amazing experts that I've talked to, and I hope to interview them and share some of the strategies I've used to find my own inner happiness.

My hope is that by sharing my personal experience, I can help you become your happiest self. I can't wait to go on this ride and I hope you'll come with me. I know this was a short one, but I just wanted to give you a little background about who I am and what I'm planning to do on this platform. Until next time, I'm sending you so much love. Talk to you soon. Thanks so much for listening to the Lessons on Happiness podcast.

If you'd like to know more about the information I'm sharing or how I've become a happier person, check out the show notes, reach out to me on social or email me at val@valmalnar.com. My goal is to help as many people as possible live happier lives. So if you've enjoyed this episode, please take a screenshot and share it on social and tag @valmalnar so that we can reach far and wide. I'd also love your feedback, so please leave a review so that I can be sure to create more content that is helpful and resonate with you. Thanks again for tuning in and until next time, wishing you happy vibes and strides.

So that’s me in a nutshell. I’ll be popping on here on a bi-weekly basis to share my stories and any insights I come across. If you’d like to be notified each time an article or podcast comes out, please join my community. I would love to have you!

JOIn THE COMMUNITY

In the meantime, I invite you to check out my website and download the free Start Happy Stay Happy Journal that I created to help you start each day off right.

I hope we can connect in a deeper way. If you have any questions about any of the information I'm sharing please send me a message and I'll be happy to help.

Sending love and hugs,